Many years ago, when my boyfriend (now husband) and I started talking about getting married, I was being very truthful when I told him that I really didn't believe in marriage or, at least, in an enduring one. In a way, I was already jaded by all the divorces I had seen around me--including that of my own parents after 33 years of marriage. But even without those divorces, it always seemed a bit naive to me for people to believe that a man and a woman can stay married til death does them part.
Why? Well like most other animals, I think humans are incapable of being monogamous. While I'm aware that cheating is highly probable in a marriage, I, by no means, condone it or think it's the only way for a marriage to endure, like some would have us belive.
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In a new book about the topic, controversial British sociologist, Catherine Hakim, says having extramarital affairs is the secret to a long marriage. Although I haven't read the book, it's obvious from the excerpt published in The Telegraph, that Hakim has done extensive research on the subject.
I have no problem understanding why married men and women seek to have an affair--lack of sex in their own relationship, boredom, a need to feel loved or desired--but I have a huge problem accepting that this is the only way to stay married. Here's the deal: I feel like if I have the desire to have sex with someone other than my husband, why am I even with him?
I know that's oversimplifying things, but that's really the bottom line. Although my husband and I have two children, which is something that will bind us forever, nothing and nobody is actually forcing us to be with each other. In other words, we're together because we chose to and because we continue wanting to be together. But the minute that changes, why is there a need for us to continue on together? I just don't see the point.
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While I hope I never have to go through the experience of realizing my husband has cheated on me, I seriously doubt we'd be able to ever get over it. I think once trust is lost, there's not much left. So, no, I don't agree at all that cheating is the only way for a marriage to endure.
What do you think? Do you agree that cheating is good for a marriage? Share your thoughts with us by leaving us a comment below.
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im in a marriage and for the first time (though i myself have cheated on previous boyfriends) understand why it could seem like a good option in a marriage. I have chosen not to cheat because i know in my mind it will only worsen an already complicated situation. but when your needs are not being met you may think to look elsewhere and it seems like an easier choice than devastating the lives of your children and yourself. think about it, the person you marry is really only one part of a marriage, which includes a home, a schedule, friends, extended family who may choose to take sides, the dynamic of your childrens lives, a financial foundation, etc and also a person.
